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A while ago, a friend at work invited me to attend an Aptera show-and-tell in Palo Alto. The Aptera is a wonderful change in car design. For something that’s different, I’m glad the designers opted to make a different look. Once you get over the “airplane” look and feel, I could see it being a fun car.

But like the Tesla, it suffers from the limits of battery. It requires charging time - which I don’t need right now with petrol. The Prius and the Insight are sheer garbage because they lack the most important aspect of the car - style! No, cool factor! No, sweetness! No, it lacks the “wow, is that your car?!??!” gawk from everyone that gazes at it.

All other hybrids are trying to be regular cars - and I don’t blame the manufacturers for taking this route. It’s easy because most of the pieces are already there. It’s easy because the visual impression is already proven. It’s easy because, well, there’s no thinking involved - let’s take one of our cars and make it a hybrid.

But let’s take a look at my choice IF hydrogen will take another decade to come around AND I would invest in a… eh-hem… hybrid.

Ladies and gentlemen… I bring you The Karma… Fisker’s Karma - the $85,000 hybrid. You can visit the company’s site here (http://karma.fiskerautomotive.com). It’s quite possibly one of the most stunning car designs I’ve seen and it does not disappoint from any angle. It has a 50 mile range on pure battery with a small engine to continue your course. Decent 0-60 number at sub 6 seconds with a maximum speed of 125mph. It’s not a supercar by any means - but I would put my money that this car would get you a date (unlike an Insight or the precious Prius).

Is it practical? Oh hell no. You want to be practical, take the bus. As for me, I want - no… I need me some good Karma.

Sometime around the Paleolithic or Mesolithic (I love wikipedia) periods, some guys who were tired of getting their tails kicked by better warriors with swords came up with the idea of bows and arrows. It was such a game changer, it swept the known world over - it was basically what the cool kids carried around… Apollo. Robin Hood. William Tell. Cupid.

And then the gun was invented. So much for the bow and arrow. Today, archery is a hobby - a talent that may not have much warfare value but it does have its following. There’s even clubs and newsletters.

Where does the car story come in?
In October 2008, I came across a beautiful 1989 Jaguar XJS. With only 54k original miles, she’s a delight to drive even for a 20 year old car. The V12 does not disappoint - smooth and silky.

Recently, there was an opportunity to get my hands on a 1972 Series III Jaguar XKE 2+2 Coupe. Considered to be one of the most beautiful cars in history, it was hard to resist entertaining the idea of having an older V12 dressed in a sexy body. For a few dollars more (ok, thousands more), I could replace the XJS with the XKE.

Maybe I should first explain what the car will be used for before we go on with this story. I’m not the kind of car-nut who buys cars only to gaze at them in his garage. I’ve always believed that you have and should drive the car. If you don’t drive it, why not just get a poster and save the money? Given this mantra, I enjoy driving the XJS as often as I could (about twice a week when I have no need for passenger seats). Can the XKE handle this same capacity?

The XKE should be able to handle this - and why not (as I try and convince myself)?

Well… the more I thought about this “replacement” idea, the more I thought of “archery”. It’s fantastic seeing these classic cars on the road once-in-a-great-while - and the XKE is truly a rare sight on the road. There are very good reasons why you only see them once in a blue moon. It’s not that their engine’s ability is poor - it’s everything else. Here’s a few that come to mind.

I can probably continue to nit-pick but you get the picture. Things break - and with older cars, they break sooner. Unless you replace those old parts with modern materials, they’re just going to have short life spans (obviously, it depends on what part and how much exposure to wear).

Obviously, a bow made with modern materials will perform better and last longer. But in the end, the bow is still old technology. And like archery, I had to walk away from the XKE. Just as I had walked away from my 1964 Volvo P1800. And soon, the XJS won’t be too far behind when used frequently with this mindset.

Of course, if you have the room to save your old classic for weekend cruises, then by all means… do it. And don’t wait to live great.

For about 10 solid days, I genuinely became interested in the Bertone designed Ferrari 308 GT4. Mind you it’s not the prettiest Ferrari that ever graced Maranello. Heck, it didn’t even bear the Ferrari name for several years until dealers decided to stick them on (around 1976) to help move the cars.

The early 308 performed exceptionally well for its time. I won’t describe any reviews here as I’m sure there are better write-ups somewhere on the internet. However, even it took 72 hours before I found any appreciation for its looks.

I like Bertone. I like the school of Bertone. I own a Delorean - designed by Giugiaro, who developed his style from Bertone. You can tell from the 308 GT4 that it followed the “folded paper” school of art… Delorean…. Lamborghini Countach… Esprit… Aston Martin Lagonda… you get the picture. But even though I had an appreciation for the wedge look, it didn’t sit right on a Ferrari.

Needless to say, I snapped out of my 10 day liking of the 308 GT4. I also realized that Ferrari’s experiments away from Pininfarina’s designs were necessary. They were necessary because we all need to be reminded of how beautiful the 246GT and the 308 GTS/GTB are (and everything else after, of course).

However, like an unwanted puppy from a litter of pure-bred dogs, the 308 GT4 did gain my sympathy. It’s like the red-headed cousin that nobody wanted to play it - and you felt bad for it. The 308 came out during the 70s oil crisis, probably the worst time to make cars. Tack on the emissions restrictions and you’ve got a choked expensive car. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Ferrari released a 208 GT4 (a 1994cc engine POS) - yikes!!!. And right next to it in the same showroom floor is the sexy 308 GTB/GTS (later on the 512 BB). Had it not been born a Ferrari, it may have been a contender.

In 2009, the 308 GT4 is just an “also-ran” - no surprise. It doesn’t even have notoriety (at least the Ferrari Mondial is hated by many - some emotion is better than none). Depending on condition, I would value this car from $10k to $27k (if the condition makes it less than $10k, you probably don’t want it). You have a 30+ year old car that requires a high-caliber paint job, some interior work, mechanicals - that could run from $10k to $20k. And if the most you’ll get back is $27k, then it better be a labor of love for you.

It would never gain more in value than it’s sibling 308s hovering at about 30k (unless it has a celebrity history and in impeccable original shape). However, if the 308 GT4 does bring about some childhood dreams, then it’s always worth a look because, hey, it’s a Ferrari after all.

There’s been a growing amount of attention focused on alternative energy for vehicles. Much of that talk has placed emphasis on pure electric cars, hybrid electric cars and ethanol based solutions. I’m certainly not the expert on alternative energy but as a consumer, and a car enthusiast, I’m disappointed at the direction (or misdirection) of where tomorrows cars might look like.

At the 2008 Concorso Italiano in Monterey, I was able to immerse in almost 100 years of automotive progress. It’s astounding how much the car has and has not changed. But I won’t bring up the gas guzzling Ferrari Maranello in this blog, but rather talk about what crossed my mind when I sat inside the Tesla (yes, it was there between the Maseratis and Jaguars).

Besides its 0-60mph time of 3.7 seconds and that it will not directly contribute to global warming, the car was… well… blah. And for $100k USD, I was between a “huh?” and “wtf?” state of mind. Is it just the cool factor? I mean it’s a Lotus Elise with an electric engine - oh wait, it’s 3 Lotus Elise’s (cost wise) but you only get one. There’s more - after driving for 275 miles (Tesla’s numbers), I have to park it and find a plug - wait for 15 hours (tests show that it’s actually 15 hours - not the touted 4 hours) to fully charge. Really?

Therefore, I need 2 - one to drive and one to charge. That’s now a $200k USD garage. But wait - where will I put the family, the girlfriend, my kids, the groceries, ahhh. No problem, let’s get a minivan. Ok, now I just killed my cool-factor by getting a minivan. And I’ve also urinated on the “save the world” reason because 9 out 10 trips, I’ll have to drive the minivan. Sigh.

And what about my years of training. Every man in this planet grew up having to make the “errrrrrrrr (shift), errrrrrrrrrr (shift), aaaarrrrrrr, (shift) AAARRRRRRRRRrooommmm” sound when playing with their toy cars. You hope one day to make enough money to own a real car and NOT have to make that sound again. In fact, there are $24,000 exhaust systems as add-ons for cars just to improve that sound. Accessorizing your car with a Tubi exhaust or a Fuchs exhaust is like telling the world that you just had the best sex ever. But now you’re telling me that I don’t hear that in a Tesla? $100k USD and I now have to scream that f-ing sound in my car like an idiot?

Well how about a hybrid? You still have to make f-ing sound like an idiot but at least you only spent 1/3 of the price. Perfect - that Toyota hybrid car is not the prettiest car on earth (apologies now to all my friends that drive a Priu… Wow, I can’t say the word let alone write it). I can’t admire a car with such a close resemblance to the Aztek - sorry all around. But how about the GM Volt? At least it looks like a car and not a toaster. How about… ok, ok - I’m sure there’s going to be a slew of others that will continue this hybrid concept in the next 5 years. But a couple of things still bother me - they will still need petrol (albeit less); they are designed to be economical first - beautiful last; there’s an unknown on their longevity (Road and Track just documented a 700,000 mile Corvair Monza); and they take a huge step backwards in automotive performance. But my biggest worry is “will the emissions you saved be all for naught when they dispose the car’s batteries?”

Then you have the genius of ethanol. I can stop here and let you think about it. Better yet, use your favorite search engine and look for “ethanol genius” (no wait, that won’t give you a result). I’m not the ethanol expert - however, when you can sniff the political cologne seeping through the gift marked “Ethanol”, something is wrong - you don’t want it.

Ok here’s the executive summary: ethanol augments fossil fuel consumption because it’s derived from things like corn, algae, human hair harvested from all barbers, old light bulbs, or whatever new formula some Cal Berkeley professor preaches. In it’s most common source, we are subsidizing corn farmers, who in turn are giving their corn to ethanol processing, which you and I pay for in the fuel we buy. Isn’t that somewhat wrong? Maybe my facts are skewed - feel free to comment. But wait, corn for ethanol makes the farmer more money so they skip the potatos, wheat and chili peppers (I like those) because those are not as profitable - who cares about feeding the rest of the world.

Ok, I’m going too fast. Let me spell it out. America is one generous country. We like to give food (as aid) to starving people around the world - something that the rest of the world’s citizens (and probably most Americans) don’t know about. For a country with only 350 million people, we donate a lot of food per capita (that’s my nationalistic pride peeking out). But since corn is more expensive due to ethanol needs, farmers are (and I can’t blame them) focusing on corn only - less food, more corn. See how that happens? Corn = profit. Anything but corn = not as much profit. Smart farmer = make more corn. Hungry kid in Africa = sorry, ran out of food but here’s a gallon of gas for your car - enjoy.

So then what is the answer? Am I just going to be the one that defecates on these brilliant solutions?

Those that know me (and I feel sorry for you) have probably heard me many times from my virtual mountain top next to a fake burning bush preaching about… tada!!! HYDROGEN. This is the future. Let’s not get into the science (because I don’t know it - and you can find better sources on the web) and give you this… “Hydrogen engine cars drive like normal cars, except they run on hydrogen - the most abundant resource in the entire universe (except activists)”. It emits the most beautiful thing - “water”. That’s it. No carbon dioxide, no nasty fumes, no nothing zip nada. Just water (mostly evaporated).

I know what you’re thinking - “holy magic car Batman, are you sniffing felt tip pens again?” Not as much my good friend. The future is here - take a look at the Honda Clarity. It looks like a car - it’s not gorgeous (I save that word for Ferraris) but it’s attractive. It drives like a car. It sounds like a car (very important). It seats regular adults like a car. It’s 0-60mph performance is like a normal Honda. And I don’t have to make that damn sound - because it’s a car (except it uses Hydrogen). There are many running around in Los Angeles (where they have Hydrogen filling stations all over town) today. Price - not for sale. $600/month lease for 3 years, that includes all maintenance except for consumables (oil, tires, etc). Ok, it’s still a hybrid (Hydrogen plus an electric engine) but it’s progress. No petrol required.

Problem: where in the hell are you going to get hydrogen? Yeah, that is indeed a problem. But here’s the solution. I’m going to send an email to President Obama (he has a Blackberry). And you should too. The president’s infrastructure plan should include this - because it can be a catalyst for an economic stimulus but also the direction of where the automotive industry should go. Oh and by they way, since my tax money are going to bail out the big-3 automakers, we should require them to follow this direction within 3-5 years. And the beauty of all this - it brings back dependence of energy to - well, just us. Hydrogen provision requires a technological solution - not some country who has access to fossil fuel buried beneath their dirt.

This transformation will change our need for fossil fuel. It also lessens our impact against the environment (at least when it comes to emissions). But there’s also another side effect to this direction. It frees up the petrol for the enthusiasts that like to keep their vintages and exotics running. And because there’s so few of them, emissions will be insignificant.

But alas, we are in a world of influence. And the future of hydrogen is uncertain. There will be better fuel sources - I don’t doubt that. But until then, I can’t imagine Hydrogen not being a big part of that future.

In my humble opinion, when choosing a paint color for a car I think people should follow this simple guideline.  Generally speaking, metallic colors look good on cars with sharp angular edges and non-metallic colors look good on cars with rounded edges.  For instance, if you get a Chrysler 300 you want a metallic color.  If you get a VW Bug, you should get a non-metallic color.  The caveat being that some cars look good in any color (Aston Martin DB 9) and some cars look bad in any color (Toyota Prius, doh!) 

Why is it the Mini Coopers and VW Bugs are the only car models that come in a truly wide variety of paint colors?  It’s because people are F—ING BORING!  Everyone who chooses gray, silver or sand for their car’s paint job might as well walk into the dealership and say “Can I have that in INVISIBLE?!?”

Wikipedia defines the unicorn as a legendary creature, shy and elusive. It could be captured only by unfair means. Everyone has a unicorn - mine happens to be a particular car. And yes, it was captured unfairly indeed.

Anyone who knows me understands this vice. I’ve owned and driven more cars than anyone I know. Except for three that come to mind, all of those cars, trucks and SUVs were of my choice. Like other little boys growing up, when it came to automobiles, I wanted to drive everything with wheels.

Well this unicorn is unique in many ways. If you put it on a motorshow stand, everyone will stare at it. But when moved away from the spotlight and placed on a crowded freeway or a Safeway parking lot, it fades discreetly into anonymity. It’s not an LA face with a new pair of installed Ds screaming “hey, check these out”. It’s elegant and subtle - I dig that.

Many might compare this to Nicholas Cage’s Eleanor in “Gone In 60 Seconds” - but I don’t want to go there. Remember, Eleanor was scrapped in the end… Besides, I can’t imagine Eleanor being the sexiest of names (I apologize now to all table dancers named Eleanor).

After years of waiting, a unicorn popped up not in Paris, London, LA or NY… but in the car capital of the world - Sacramento. The online pictures were disenchanting, the price was expectedly high, the impression I got was “hmmm, another one out of reach”.

Confucius said that “destiny is simply opportunity seized” - was that Buddha or Tony Robbins? Maybe it was Dr. Phil? But at least it answers why I haven’t bought a car in three years.

In the last days of 2007, news of this Sacramento “coachworks” closing its doors to open a new one sometime in 2008 brought the car back into my attention. The car was being re-offered at an unfairly reasonable price - I seized it (and haggled further, of course).

At the showroom floor, during the test drive, and throughout my long stares at the unicorn after parking it on back on the dealers lot, the only thought in my mind was “would I want to tell my grandkids some long story about that reliable Toyota or would I want to tell this story?”

“I’ll take it.”

I had to leave it at the “coachworks” for a while and it should be delivered this coming week. I don’t need to say the unicorn’s make or model - it’s a personal prize. It’s probably not the smartest thing I’ve ever done (well, except for that time in high school with the vice principal during archery class - ahhh, I digress). You could go as far as saying it’s moronic. But maybe it’s that moronic side, that resistance to the vicissitudes of life, which brings me to these unreasonable decisions. Then again, it’s the most fun I’ve had without being naked.

I understand that when Car and Driver, or Automobile, or Road & Track reviews the Mercedes Benz CL, it’s almost always going to be classed against the Aston Martin DB9, the Ferrari Maranello, the Jaguar XKR and the Continental Bentley. And it’s going to be rare (or never) that car reviewers will pit these cars against a Porsche 911 Turbo GT, or a Modena or a [insert chick-magnet sports car here].

The target market for these gentlemen rocket sleds are definitely not your high flying stockbroker or the fast talking sales guy hiked up on crack. These are built for the decision makers, the executives, the hefes. Unfortunately, by the time you’re either in that position or mindset, you’re already a gray puppy. And this is why you have the stereotypes. And if you’re a young buck with mondo money, chances are you want the [insert chick-magnet sports car here].

I want subtlety. I want uniqueness. What I don’t want is an orange Murcielago screaming “hey, check me out” as I fly down (or sit on) the freeway. I don’t need to an audience - in fact, that’s exactly what I don’t want.

The Aston Martin and the Maranello are beautiful. Telling you they’re sleek and capable cars is idiotic because you already know that. But can most of us afford a used 1995 DB9 for almost $100k or a used Maranello for less than $150k. There’s a premium for that car and the $2500 oil change every 5k miles doesn’t work too well. Nobody will insure you - and the slightest problem forces you to go to some mechanic who’s company name ends in “haus”. And you’re not exactly making Rap Star bling Mr. 9to5.

And even if I could, the true problem is their moth effect - they attract too much attention that it goes against the subtlety premise.

How about the Jaguar XKR you say? Unfortunately, it has two major deficiencies: First, there are way too many women driving the XK8, which looks exactly like the XKR except for gills on the hood. Second, it’s British. Let me stop there. If you don’t know, don’t trust me - buy a British car and own it for a year. For those who have owned a British car before, then “can I get an amen?” To top it off, there are simply not as many dealer channels to help you out when things do go wrong (and no, the Ford dealerships won’t help even though they own Jaguar).

Then there are those drivers who say that these cars, along with the CL, cushion you away from the driving experience. My response to that is if you want driving experience, then go drive the Lotus Elise - which is basically a go-cart fitted with a kit-car body. Anyone who wants to feel the stiff sports handling and the snap-your-head back speed should absolutely never look at these cars. This is not what they were designed for. You are not their buyer in mind - in fact, you never even made the list to attend their focus group evaluations.

The CL is not snazzy. Hell, it’s not even sexy. It’s a masculine design with classic round Merc headlights. It has strong lines and extremely subtlety - put your ear on the hood and listen. It’s whisphering to you : “yes, I look boring… but can you kick my ass?”

Let’s see what it does bring. Straightline speed [check]. Comfort and luxury of an ultra-plush automobile [check]. Note that I’m not talking Cadillac plush. It’s beyond that - the headliners are Italian suede [double check]. A computer that adjusts the body roll in realtime [check]. Six speed automatic mated into a V12 turbocharged 500hp engine or a 500hp AMG V8 [big check].

Does that sound subtle? Hell no. Does it look subtle? Sure it does. Is it executive subtle? Absolutely. And this is the very point of owning the CL. You don’t have to go around telling people you have a big dick - the trick is to be quiet and let others assume it.